i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
