Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
