I'm laying in your front yard are you home
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
