And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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