I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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