i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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