So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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