I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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