I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
