If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
