the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize