You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
