JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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