i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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