I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize