I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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