well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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