i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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