i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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