Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
