2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
