hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
