I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize