We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
