Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
