I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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