oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize