There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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