brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
