No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
