I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
