I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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