she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
