I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
