You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
