i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
