girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
