It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
