party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
