Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
