How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
