the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
