I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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