I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
