also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
