I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So much Jack, so little girl.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
