you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
