Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
