i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
