I didn't shave. On purpose
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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