My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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