I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
