Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
