I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
