Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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