I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
