Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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